Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
