it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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