The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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