Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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