Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
