Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
what the fuck happened to the tacos
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
