I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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