you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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