yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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