its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
