The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
