So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
