The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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