you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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