I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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