Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I party with great urgency now.
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