the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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