did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
