Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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