Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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