someone threw a dead crab at me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
