She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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