I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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