I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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