I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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