found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
