I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
