May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.