I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash