I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.