After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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