She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter