He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
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For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole