My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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