just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
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I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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