I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
