remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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