True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
