We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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