it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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