Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
