god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
