Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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