the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is my gift to your gina
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
