Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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