I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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