My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just pee around me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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