i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
