So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
