That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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