I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
