Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
