is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
