i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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