whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
