Sorry, I don't speak sober.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
