how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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