i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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