I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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