Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
