I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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