OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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