you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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